I had millions of dollars from selling a business and then I lost it all. I lost home. I had the IRS all over me.Then I lost my family. Then all my relationships fell apart.My friends and family from the year 2024 no longer talk to me. I take that back. One friend from the year 2000.I built back up. Built another business. Sold it. Bought another house. Then lost the money and lost the house. Lost my friends.I changed my definition of success.This is my new definition:CONNECTION: Being with people I love who love me. NO TOXIC PEOPLE. For better or worse, I have a u201cone strike and youu2019re outu201d policy. We wear this bag of skin for only so long.COMPETENCE: Find the things I love, get good at them, even a little bit, every day.FREEDOM: When I do something I donu2019t want to do, I feel resentment, I donu2019t do a good job, people get upset, and I lose track of who I am. If you donu2019t make the choices in your own life then someone else will and the results wonu2019t be as good for you.This is hard to do.Itu2019s not about u201c building good habitsu201d.I put that in quotes because so many bullshit self-help writers think itu2019s about habits.A u201chabitu201d is u201cmake the bedu201d or u201cbrush your teeth every day.u201dAnd itu2019s not about goals.Again, many self-help gurus say u201chave big goalsu201d. u201cThink big or die smallu201d. Blah blah.This is BS also. If all you have is a big goal youu2019re guaranteed to not make it.When I was going to shoot myself in the head I started to figure out what was important to me. And ever since then Iu2019ve had success.In the past few years Iu2019ve written many bestselling books. Iu2019ve built an almost $100 million in revs. business thatu2019s still growing. I have great friends that I love. My family is better than ever.I have a podcast thatu2019s had over 70,000,000 downloads. And, my biggest achievement: Iu2019m a Top Quora Writer for five years in a row.Iu2019m in control of most of the decisions of my life. And Iu2019m ok with the decisions I have no control over (itu2019s raining today, for instance, so I have a raincoat).I have a cough today but Iu2019m carrying cough drops. I hope it gets better.But I donu2019t care. Iu2019m looking forward to going to the hex game cafe later and playing board games.Iu2019m sick of interviewing billionaires and world champions.So boring. They all say the same things. But they speak the language of success. Iu2019ve learned so much by interviewing them.None of what they say is a surprise. But actually putting it to work and seeing the results right in front of me is proof that these ideas, these processes they put in place, have worked for them.Theyu2019ve worked for me also.But I think Iu2019m a little lazy. I like to bingewatch TV also.A) VALUES:What do you stand for?I ask this to people and they say stupid shit like, u201cI want to help entrepeneurs succeedu201d. Or, u201cI want to help people communicate better.u201dI donu2019t mean to be harsh. But really check yourself to see if anyone gives a shit about what you say.For me: I want to be honest with the people around me. I want to do the things in life that I love (and that changes almost every day).And when I say I will do something: I overpromise and then deliver.That beats out the people who think they are smart by u201cunderpromisingu201d. Thatu2019s the strategy of a loser.I want to be healthy and creative. I want to entertain.I want to raise children to be good adults.I want desperately to not care what people think about me. I want to treat people with grace and respect and not care about the consequences.If I help myself, share how I do it in an entertaining way, then I can hope for the best.Oh, and whatever I am interested in: I want to be a threat.B) PERSISTENCEIf you improve 1% a day at the things you love, then very quickly you find obstacles.1% a day equals 3800% in a year when compounding.How do you improve?u201cPlus, Minus, Equalu201d.This was told to me by the greatest ultimate fighting champion ever: Frank Shamrock.Find your Plus: a mentor or group of mentors, even if they are virtual (an author, someone on Youtube, etc).Find your Equals: people who are moving up the chain with you that you can compare notes with.Find your Minus: people who you can teach to. If you canu2019t teach, then you donu2019t understand what youu2019re supposed to be teaching.(with former MMA world champion Frank Shamrock)Business is a great example. Some people are great at building a one million dollar business. But at ten million in revenues, there are a different set of problems. And at $100,000,000 there is a greater set of problems.Success means viewing problems as opportunities for solutions.In business, relationships, family, friendships, writing, art, etc.If you donu2019t have problems to persist through then youu2019ve stopped getting better and life will get worse.C) PATIENCEIu2019ve asked 400 of the most successful people in the world what they did when they were at their worst.How did you survive?Almost always the answer is: WAIT.Keep being healthy. Keep writing down ideas. Keep being honest and helping friends and doing good.But donu2019t force anything in your career or life.Henry Winkler (the actor who played u201cThe Fonzu201d on Happy Days in the 70s), told me during his NINE dark years of no acting that the worst thing he could have done was force it.Instead, he kept his network alive. He learned how to produce and direct. And gradually he got back into acting. Last season, on u201cBarryu201d, he helped that show get 13 Emmies.When you thrash, you crash.Just be quiet. Donu2019t move too much. Be calm. Be patient.Life rewards the patient.(me and u201cThe Fonzu201d at the comedy club, Standup NY, I am part-owner of).D) READY. FIRE. AIMSara Blakely, the wealthiest self made woman in the world (she created Spanx) got her first big order and had only a few weeks to deliver.The problem: she didnu2019t have a manufacturer.So she found one. She was lit on fire and had to put that fire out.So many people plan plan plan. Analysis paralysis.Have the idea. Get the order. Then figure it out.Want to swim. Get thrown in the water. Donu2019t drown.Have a story. Write it down. Then edit the grammar and make a second, third, fourth draft of the story.Richard Branson didnu2019t buy 10 airplanes and then start Virgin Air.He called Boeing, convinced them to LEND him a plane for a year. Then got a route from the US to England. THEN started Virgin Air, which he sold for billions.(Sara built Spanx (example in the image) into a multi-billion business without any fashion experience. She just wanted to help women feel better)E) OBSESSIONWhen you love something, youu2019ll WANT to do it in every spare moment.Youu2019ll read about it. Youu2019ll watch videos. Get mentors. Talk about it with friends. Study the nuances. Start trying it for yourself. And on and on.The one who is obsessed will beat out the person who is not obsessed.Why? Simple: the person who is not obsessed will NEVER know the nuance and subtleties.I once started a business that combined my interests in writing, investing, and programming. All my prior obsessions.Three months into developing my idea I realized I had a ton of competition. But I could tell they werenu2019t obsessed. They werenu2019t a threat.I got millions of users with a month.I sold my company for $10,000,000. They all went out of business.Nobody can beat an obsessive.(Sasha Cohen told me only obsession is what got her a medal in the 2024 Olympics)F) TALENT SEXScott Adams, the creator of Dilbert, told me, u201cIu2019m pretty good at drawing, but not the best. Iu2019m pretty good at writing, but not the best. Iu2019m pretty funny, but not the best, and Iu2019m pretty good at business, but not the best. But Iu2019m probably the best at the combination.u201dWhich is why Dilbert is the top selling syndicated cartoon strip and Scott is probably worth over $100,000,000.When you get pretty good at a lot of things and then combine them: youu2019ll be among the best in the world at the intersection.List your talents. Start figuring out how to combine them.(Dilbert)G) VISIONDonu2019t read the news. Read a lot of books by smart people. Here are some starting points:Sapiens by Yuval HarariThe Evolution of Everything by Matt RidleyAntifragile by Nassim TalebZero to One by Peter ThielTiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl StrayedThinking in Bets by Annie DukeLook around the world. Donu2019t listen to the people who are screaming and yelling and hating and fighting.Think realistically about what you love doing: where will it be five years from now?For instance, is the 2 party system in America going to last? Will TV shows still be 30 minutes or 60 minutes? Will bookstores exist? Will Uber still exist? Will AI be doing surgeries?Have a vision for where the world is going. Or wait for one (see above). Vision is the mother of invention.H) PERSUASIONEvery successful person I know, knows how to persuade.Robert Cialdiniu2019s book u201cInfluenceu201d is the Bible of persuasion techniques.BUT, Vision + Obsession + Health makes it easy to persuade others.I) EMPATHYRule #3 of improvisation is: u201cMake your scene partner look good.u201dNobody gives a shit about you. Stop caring so much about what people think you.Focus on how to make the people around you look good. Then the world around you will look good. Then the center of the world around you will look good.I mean..you.J) PROBLEM SOLVINGget a waiteru2019s padevery day write down ten ideasWithin six months you will be an idea machine. People will throw problems at you and you will be able to solve them trivially.This is a super power. And with great power becomes great responsibility.On the TV show u201cCrashinu201d, Pete Holmes asks the famous comedian Whitney Cummings, u201cCan you give me advice? What does it take to succeed?u201dI love her response. First she said, u201cI canu2019t tell you. Thereu2019s no answer.u201dAnd he begged. u201cPlease just tell me one thing u201cShe said, u201cThe star is the person everyone else wants to be friends with.u201d
